Trust In Me
by Ceillean
Summary: Kyp Durron must cope with the death of his apprentice, Miko Reglia. He finds solace with the woman he loves.
1. Chapter 1

Life.

One word, too many individual meanings.

But one thing was certain to Kyp Durron as he tossed back his half empty bottle of ale; he knew that life could slap you down so hard it could take forever to scramble back to your feet.

And forever was a damned long time.

He sat on the edge of a flat roof of an older apartment building. No doubt he'd freaked the hell out of the residents when he'd suddenly appeared out of nowhere right in front of their window while climbing up to reach his destination. He didn't care, though. Up here there was peace and marginal quiet. Down below all that waited for him were endless questions posed by people who had no kriffing idea what it was like.

No kriffing idea whatsoever.

Another swig of ale.

He was already feeling a little light-headed and dizzy. But not yet dizzy enough. He was going for all out drunk this time around. At least for a little while it would numb the pain threatening to take him over. It would quiet the raging accusations going through his mind. Yeah, getting drunk seemed like one hell of a good idea.

Sure not the smartest thing to do while sitting several kilometers above ground level but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. He could use the Force, after all.

Kyp snorted and sipped at his bottle. Was it his fourth? Or fifth? He wasn't sure.

Did it make a difference?

Not really.

The Force was just kriffing magnificent. He could do about anything he wanted to do. Control thoughts, make individuals do his bidding, erase memories, move things with his mind and he was a bad ass swordsman, too.

Didn't make him infallible, though. He made mistakes just like any other sentient being. Going back through his life, he'd made a whole lot of mistakes but he'd learned.

Hadn't he?

Another gulp of ale and the bottle was empty. Time to clamber back down and face the world again.

He set the bottle aside and closed his eyes. The wind was fierce up here. His hair whipped against his unshaved face, leaving behind streaks of red. It stung a little but he didn't let it bother him. Too simple to have it bother him.

His com link chirped. Fourth time in the last hour?

A nagging sense of guilt made itself known. He knew it was Liz checking up on him and by the Force he knew he owed her an explanation but…yeah, not now.

He'd dropped out of the Force, simply put. Raising up a wall around his entire persona, not letting anyone in and sure as hell not letting his presence out.

He needed this time for himself. He hadn't climbed up half a building for the hell of it. He wanted to forget.  
Answering the com link…too real.

Kyp took a deep breath and let it out on a mirthless laugh. He decided he needed another drink but grimaced when he realized he'd have to leave his new favorite place in the world. He wasn't nearly drunk enough.

It started to rain as the wind settled down a little.

The first cool drops pearled down his chiseled face. Cold and slick they ran their course down his cheeks and jaw, along the hollow of his throat as he lifted his head to meet the sky. Merely a few minutes passed until he was completely drenched. His hair plastered to his head, his clothes sticking to his athletic frame but the dirt that coated him…would he ever be able to wash it all off?

His com link went off again.

But dammit, he had to answer. What kind of jerk was he, making her worry? He was certain she was about ready to go insane and if he walked through the door looking like this, she'd –

She would hug him. She would kiss him. She would whisper words he didn't deserve to hear.

That was the only thing he was truly afraid of. Her compassion. Her warmth and love.

Her understanding.

She could break him with a single touch.

With a sigh he dug out his com link and held it firmly in one hand. The chirping sound was lost as thunder rumbled through the heavens, accompanied by flashing white lightning.

He didn't answer, though.

He sent her a message instead.

_I'll be home soon.  
_

The dizziness and light-headedness was getting worse. Which was a damned good thing, in his opinion. This had been what he'd been going for in the first place. Numbing his thoughts, numbing the hurt.

Too bad it wasn't kriffing working.

He could still feel just fine and what was worse, he could still think clearly.

The Force had this uncanny ability to clear his system of all narcotics even if he didn't want it too. It was like this subliminal communications with his brain.

He could do almost anything with the Force.

Besides raise the dead, of course.

And wasn't that just kriffing peachy?

***

The worst of it all were the rumors. Coupled with the fact that no one, absolutely no one, was willing to tell her what the hell was going on, Liz was about ready to bust down some doors and knock heads together to get some answers.

Since she wasn't officially with the Jedi, they completely cut her off when it came to their own. Any information she obtained had either come from Kyp or Jaina but even Jaina was going about this situation with a hush-hush attitude.

Liz hated it. Every damned second of it. She stared at the holographic clock embedded in the caf table, watching as the seconds ticked down. She'd been trying to reach Kyp for the past five hours. She had been at home when she'd felt him completely close himself off, severing their connection, the mutual bond they had shared for the better part of ten years.

There was no doubt in her mind that something terrible had happened. In all the years she'd known Kyp, he had never done this before. If there had been a problem of any sort, he would speak up about it or shut it out of his life but this? This hiding and running away? It wasn't like him.

It made her sick to her stomach not knowing if he was okay or not. Fine, he'd sent her a message that he'd be home soon but that wasn't really reassuring. Soon lay in the eye of the beholder. Soon could be a few minutes; soon could be a few hours.

Liz turned her head towards the window and stared out into the dark night. It had rained for three days in a row already but it seemed the thunderstorms were getting worse. It was like the planet itself was weeping.

With another sigh, she dialed Kyp's frequency and hoped that he would finally pick up. By the Force, she'd never been this worried about him before. But half a minute later, she gave up without getting an answer.

Rage tore through with such severity that she threw her com link against the wall. It didn't break apart. It lay on the floor of her living room, the top half flipped open. The tiny little screen showed a picture of Kyp, a picture she'd taken just a few days earlier. He'd been happy then, smiling.

And now?

Liz jogged into her office and switched on the communications console. Her fingers flew over the keypad while her face was set, as if carved from stone. This time she wouldn't let anyone evade her questions, she wouldn't let anyone lie to her. It wasn't _their_ hearts being torn to shreds; it wasn't their lives being twisted beyond recognition.

She needed answers and she would get them.

Whatever it took, she would damned well get them. 


	2. Chapter 2

Liz reached the Jedi temple after the first try. A young Twi'lek answered with a kind smile but she kept telling Liz that there wasn't anyone available, that the Masters were in a last minute meeting and couldn't be disturbed, no matter what. It had taken quite a lot of self control not to yell at the girl. Even after repeatedly explaining to her what the situation was, the girl wouldn't budge.

It was either a very commendable behavior or else this girl had a heart of stone.  
Reminding herself that she was only doing her job didn't much help Liz's growing anger. She gave up trying to get through to the Jedi on the public channels and called up Jaina's personal com frequency, the one she mainly used for emergencies. Liz even tried getting a hold of Jag but no one answered.

She was very close to shattering something.

Thirty minutes later, Jaina's hologram finally appeared on the small projector. She wasn't smiling, her face was impassive and her eyes seemed tired. Jaina stood with her hands clasped behind her back wearing her full Jedi robes. Her lightsaber dangled at her left hip, a plain silver cylinder lacking any kind of personal decorations.

Unlike Kyp's, Liz thought with a slight frown. His lightsaber was anything but plain in its silver and black beauty, with small white gems attached to the hilt, gems that could only be found in the deep waters of his home planet.

She rubbed her temples, searching her mind for something to say that didn't involve wringing the next person's neck who tried to placate her.

"Has he contacted you?" Jaina asked softly.

Liz sat up straight at her desk and stared right through the miniature hologram of her friend. She couldn't even begin to put into words her disappointment. The Jedi refused to give her information and yet Jaina began their conversation with a question of her own?

There was a part of Liz that resented Jaina for this.

"He sent a message." It was like a dark evil hand was squeezing the life out of her heart. "He's okay as far as I can tell." And the only reason she wasn't completely sure was because Kyp had cut their Force connection. It had truly been one of the most horrifying experiences to date. His presence had been with her for years and having him voluntarily cut himself off…

Jaina heaved a relieved sigh and rubbed her temples. "Thank the Force."

It was then that Liz completely lost herself in her anger towards the universe. Jaina was relieved. Well, kriffing good for her.

Because Liz wasn't.

In fact, if she didn't know better, she was even more pissed off than she had been before. The Jedi sat protected in their little temple, no doubt discussing and talking while one of their own was out there hiding from the universe. Where was the compassion the Jedi supposedly showed to everyone? Where was the need to find their colleague and make sure that he was safe? Why the hell were they doing nothing at all to find Kyp?

"What the kriff is going on, Jaina?" Liz's voice was bitterly low and shallow, no emotions whatsoever. Just hard words to match her mood. "What happened?"

"I'm sorry, Liz. You know I can't –"

"Don't you even _dare_ start that shavit with me."

"I'm following orders." Jaina's voice became equally cold as she realized that Liz wasn't playing. Friendship or not, this was serious and Liz would not back down even if it meant she had to barge through the temple doors and bust her way to the Grand Master himself.

Playtime was kriffing over.

Liz leaned closer to the miniature hologram, one brow arched. "If it were Jag," She whispered. The icy tone of her voice could have frozen the entire room. "If it were Jag out there doing who the hell knows what, if it were Jag suddenly cutting himself off the grid for no obvious reason – If _I_ was the one telling _you_ that I was following orders and I couldn't _help_ you find the man you love – tell me Jaina, what the hell would you do?"

There was an intense silence that surrounded them. Two friends on either side of the border, one trying to do the right thing while knowing that she couldn't, the other hoping that the love of her life was alright. "What happened?" Liz asked again, her voice hard and brittle. "I have a damned right to know."

Jaina swallowed and looked away, running a hand through her hair.

"Dammit, Jaina!" Liz slammed her fist on the desk. Her collection of Corusca gems jumped along the table top, her favorite one – a beautiful black gem with specks of gold, a gift from Kyp – fell to the floor. It broke in half.

"Miko's dead." Jaina's voice was eerily calm but even across the distance Liz could detect a hard edged sadness, a truth not yet wanting to be realized. "He died this morning."

All the air left her lungs in an instant. Liz cut the connection without saying another word and sat back in her formfitting chair, staring at the floor where her gem lay in two single pieces. She remembered vividly the day Kyp had come home with a pretty white box and inside the black gem had been tucked away in shimmering folds of white silk.

Black Corusca gems were hard to come by and yet Kyp had managed.

Because whatever life threw at him, he never gave up.

"Miko." Liz whispered and closed her eyes. He'd been like family to Kyp. More than just an apprentice.

Slowly, she pushed away from her desk and took small steps into the living room. She picked up her comlink from the floor, dialing Kyp's frequency.

Repeatedly.

***

Guilt was a killer.

It could bring you to your knees so fast the world started to spin around you. Only good thing about guilt was the fact that it was an amazing drinking partner. But afterwards, when coherent lines of thought returned, guilt was back with full force and ready to tear you to shreds from the inside out.

Kyp gripped his com link in one hand, feeling the slight vibrations going through his skin. Still wasn't answering the thing, though. And why?

_Because you're a kriffing coward, that's why.  
_

Eventually the power unit gave out and he tucked the comlink away into the pocket of his pants.

_You're one messed up bastard, you know that? Sure, let's make her worry for you. Why the hell not? Not like she's the best thing to ever happen to you. She totally deserves this, right?_

He ignored the voice in his head and kept walking. It was cold down here. So cold, that he used the Force to warm himself a little. His steps took him through winding streets of the lower sections of Coruscant below. Thankfully, the rain didn't reach down here but neither did fresh air. Ventilation systems did most of the work but still it smelled stale and the various scents of body odors mingled with scents of restaurants and dead things in hidden corners weren't very inviting either.

Kyp didn't care.

All he wanted to do was walk. He walked where ever his feet would take him, no destination in mind.

_You need to get your ass home, Durron.  
_

He knew that. Because everything inside him yelled for him to head home but home would mean having to face what he'd done. Home would mean having to look Liz in the eye and explain to her that because of his poor judgment his apprentice had been killed.  
His friend.

His _brother_.

Family.

_Looks like you have a knack for getting rid of the people you love.  
_

The pain of Miko's death made his knees wobble. Kyp stopped walking for a moment and braced his hand against the nearest wall. He lifted his head to the sky. Or rather, where the sky would usually have been, somewhere up there. From his vantage point all he could really see were endlessly tall buildings, the lower parts covered with grime and fungus.

Every where he looked all he could really see was dirt.

How fitting for him to be walking along these cluttered streets then.

Another drink sounded all but perfect right about now. And there were more than enough bars to choose from in any case but something stopped him, something he couldn't quite explain.

Kyp halted and lifted his hand to a thin silver chain around his neck. He stopped short as his fingers wrapped around it. He pulled it free from under his shirt and held a beautiful oval pendant into a street light.

A good luck charm.

Liz had given it to him.

He locked his fist around the pendant and took a few deep breaths before opening his hand again and staring at the silver piece of jewelry in his palm. It was an intricate work of art, hand crafted almost fifty years earlier. Liz had had their names engraved into the back, the language old and ancient as was the writing. It was a sight to behold, that was for sure. With a flick of his thumb, he opened the pendant and a tiny hologram appeared.

"Eliziya." He whispered, pulling his brows into a deep frown.

The hologram showed Liz on Ossus, sitting in a vast field of emerald grass and colorful flowers. She'd been so beautiful that day with her hair pinned up and wearing an airy white gown that fit wonderfully to her tanned skin, she'd seemed happy and care free. He remembered how she had laughed when he'd shot the image. She hated having her pictures taken.

And he vividly remembered the day she had given him the pendant. She'd been asking him to return to her in one piece because his ongoing mission with Miko had been a tricky one with undercover work, a side-by-side operation with law enforcement.

Liz's hologram flickered ever so slightly. She laughed, waved and blew him a kiss.

His angel.

He snapped the pendant shut and dropped it back into his pocket.

"What am I doing?" He whispered, running his hand through his dripping, wet hair.

_You're an idiot, Durron. You are such a kriffing idiot.  
_  
The street where he stood wasn't all that busy. He saw a few beings scattered around near grav dumpsters, too far gone to care that they were blending in perfectly with the garbage. He caught sight of a group of girls of various species hanging around the front door of a pretty seedy establishment. The worst of the worst hung out down here, some of them voluntarily like him while others had no choice in the matter.

He felt lost. And alone.

No doubt like most of the beings dwelling down here.

He took a deep breath, ignoring the stenches surrounding him, the inhuman growling sounds of animals who'd found their way into the deepest, darkest corners of down below.

This wasn't the place where he belonged. This wasn't his world. His world involved a different sort of darkness. But also a wonderful and warming light that could make him feel whole again.

Kyp turned on his heel and shoved his hands into his pockets.


	3. Chapter 3

As far as Kyp was concerned, the ordinary people sharing the public transport compartment with him had absolutely no clue what went on in the galaxy.

Opposite him two young women, maybe in their mid twenties, were giggling and staring at him with twinkling eyes, as if they'd never once seen a guy like him before. He couldn't really blame them. No doubt he looked a wreck, same way he felt. Seemed they liked the roguish kind of air he had about him, though. Going by the interested look they had on their faces and the way they kept quietly laughing with one another, seemed like Kyp was exactly their kind of guy.

He sat back and crossed his legs at the ankles. For a moment he thought about bursting their bubble and letting them know what a kriffed up bastard he really was. But maybe they liked that kind of thing, too. Maybe they liked the kind of guy who didn't take any shavit from anyone, who got into stupid situations because he couldn't keep his big mouth shut. Maybe they liked the kind of guy who sent his friends on missions knowing they might not succeed and – oh look at that! – actually get them killed.

Kyp leaned back with a deep groan, feeling the cold of his wet clothes seeping through his skin. The tingling in his limbs was growing weaker. Probably wasn't a good thing since being completely sober meant having to man up to what had happened.

"Um…"

Kyp hadn't noticed that one of the girls, the brunette, had gotten up from her seat and was now standing to his left. Sure, she was a pretty thing. Tall for a girl, about his height. Long dark hair with streaks of green, big blue eyes, fashionable clothes accentuating her best features and a whole lot of black and silver jewelry that clinked and clattered when she moved. "My friend and I," She gestured to the fiery red head still sitting opposite Kyp. "We were wondering if you were busy tonight."

He couldn't help but laugh. It started out as a deep rumble in his throat and the girl seemed to like it. She bit her lower lip and her smile towards him grew. Innocent in the way of the world but not so innocent when it came to her life.

Through the Force Kyp knew he would have been able to pick up on her mood, snippets of her thoughts that no doubt involved more than just a casual night at some downtown bar. He would have been able to pick up on almost anything he wanted to. But she was a very boring individual in his eyes. Too much show. Not even marginally worth the effort.  
"Yeah. I _am_ busy tonight." He said clearly and with a pointed glance at each of them. His smile and his laughing demeanor vanished completely. Too bad it didn't put them off in the slightest.

Brunette came closer and took the vacant seat next to him. Annoyance flashed through Kyp's eyes. He was known for being a jackass and for being rude but he never ever admitted to liking it. But in cases like this it was easiest to get the annoyance to leave him the hell alone.

"I'm sure we could make it worth your while." She scooted closer and when she reached out to actually touch him Kyp heaved a sigh and slowly got to his feet in a fluid motion, staring at her with cold green eyes.

"I seriously doubt it." He said in a gravelly, deep voice. The spark in the brunette's eyes dimmed just a little. "No way in hell you'd be able to keep up with me, sweetheart." Only one girl could do that and she was no doubt going insane with worry. His heart grew heavy thinking of Liz. They'd been through so much together, bad times and good times. They'd laughed together, shed a few tears together. And now he was out and about being a selfish good-for-nothing…

He cleared his throat and raised his eyes to a screen embedded into the ceiling of the transport. He needed to get off on the next stop and then it would only take him a few minutes to reach home.

His safe haven where the woman he loved was waiting.

"Go find someone else." He told Brunette. "Trust me. I'm not what you're looking for."  
Without another word, he walked down the aisle and when the transport stopped, he got off without looking back.

***

When the door hissed open, Liz had first thought she'd imagined it. During the last few hours she would move away from the window and look down the hall because she kept hearing the door open. But her mind had just been playing tricks on her.

Not this time, though.

She swallowed a lump in her throat and fought back tears stinging her eyes. This wasn't a time to cry. Her emotions were a whirlwind clouding common sense. A part of her wanted to strangle Kyp for putting her through the last couple of hours. Just a meager stupid message and that was it. He'd left her in the dark, worrying for his safety and for that she was beyond angry.

She hated having to call on friends to find out about his whereabouts, to even know what the hell had happened in the first place. Her mind was set to tell him off. Who knew what could have happened to him? And cutting himself off from the Force?

_Deliberately_ hiding from her?

But when she peeked around the corner and saw him standing in the brightly lit hallway, her anger slowly ebbed away. He was soaking wet with drops of water pearling down his face and off the tips of his hair. His clothes stuck to him like a second skin and she could see that he was freezing by the pale bluish color of his lips.

Frankly put, he looked like crap.

When their eyes met over the distance of only a few meters, Kyp's shoulders sagged. If it was due to relief or shame, Liz couldn't tell but either way, the man standing before her was defeated. Broken. Lost.

Liz took a deep breath and bit down on her lower lip as hard as she could to keep the tears from flowing. He didn't need to see her cry. By the Force, he had to be going through hell as it was. Losing Miko…

She walked towards him with slow steps. Not once did her gaze waver; the anger was now gone completely. The look in her eyes was soft and loving yet saddened at the hurt she saw enveloping Kyp like a thick bubble.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, reaching out to touch her fingers to his bristly cheek. "I'm so sorry." Clear drops of water ran down her hand, tickling her skin. She watched him, eyed every detail on his face. Darkened green eyes, lips set into a straight line, overall expression stoic and cold.

Standing on her toes, she kissed his cheek, then the tip of his nose, his closed eyes. Kyp leaned into her and to her surprise he actually let her hug him. Normally when he was in one of his moods, he pushed her away until he was ready to deal with it on his own terms. But this time he clutched at her tightly, his fingers digging into her back and buried his face into the side of her neck.

"I'm so sorry, Kyp." Liz backed up half a step and ran her hands through his thick, wet hair, soft strands coiling around her fingers. "What do you need?" Staring into those deep green eyes made a shiver run down her spine. The hurt she saw there, the searing pain… "Tell me. Tell me what you need."

He took her slender hands into his and raised them to his lips, kissing her knuckles one by one. He admired her beauty. Her dark brown eyes, wavy dark brown hair, full, kissable lips. He admired her strength, her willpower and her keen sense.

All his.

All he needed.

"You." He whispered. 


	4. Chapter 4

Liz lay snuggled closely at Kyp's side, her head on his chest while her nails trailed a path from his naval to his chest and back again. Each time her hands went lower, the muscles in his stomach contracted just a bit. He was ticklish around his naval and normally she would have exploited this fact but not tonight. Tonight it was about being close to him, being there for him in a time where he needed her most.

He'd opened up to her again, their Force bond as strong as ever. She'd felt his confusion and anxiety, his disappointment and pain at the loss of a dear friend. What she couldn't wrap her mind around was the fact that Kyp was blaming himself for Miko's death…

The silence between them was of the comfortable sort. The lights in their bedroom were dimmed, two scented candles flickered softly on the dresser. Their dark blue satin sheets were a mess around them and the pillows lay heaped up on the floor.

Kyp gently stroked Liz' back with the tips of his fingers while his other hand lay underneath his head. He stared off into the distance, for the moment completely at ease and relaxed. But only for the moment. His thoughts wandered off to three nights earlier when Miko had been over for a late dinner and they'd been talking through details of the mission yet again.

Kyp had had a bad feeling to begin with but Miko had been so adamant, so excited to be on his own that Kyp had finally let him. After all, eventually the young had to grow and flourish so what better time than the present. Only it had gotten Miko killed.

"Will you tell me what happened?"

Kyp's hand stilled on Liz's back and he was drawn back into the present. He took a deep breath and kept his silence for a while longer. Slowly, Liz sat up. He watched as her thick dark hair fell over her slender shoulders and reached out to run his fingers through it.

She stared at him, waiting for his answer.

"It was my call." He eventually said, his brow furrowed. "I had a gut feeling that it was too easy. I let him go anyway."

Kyp sat up against the headboard and pulled his legs to his chest. He laid his arms around his knees, watching the flickering candles on the dresser. His eyes wandered back to Liz after yet another stretch of silence. She smiled at him, reassuringly. He didn't need her to say a single word for him to go on. After all, she was his confidante in all this life threw his way.

"There's a smuggler base out at the Sargesso asteroid field. We'd been getting reports that they were harboring not only pirates but a drug lord wanted in two separate systems. Our contact there gave us a way in and a way out. Hardly any casualties. Good plan." He paused for a moment. "Too good."

"Miko took Kriss and Jett along for the mission. And CSF offered two of their men as well. Kriss is still in the infirmary. Medics say he'll make a full recovery but it didn't look too good at first. Jett's fine. He's one of those guys who could take on a bomb full frontal and he'd only have a few scratches, he's so damned lucky." Kyp's frown grew deeper as he kept talking. "Miko wasn't so lucky."

"What went wrong?" Liz prodded softly.

"Everything." His laugh was mirthless and dark. "They were set up. Ran right into an ambush."

"No one could have known, Kyp."

"We _should_ have known." His anger flared up again, anger at the universe, at scum like the men who had killed Miko, at his own raging feelings inside that he didn't seem to be able to calm. "But he'd literally begged to go, Liz. He wanted this so badly. I didn't want him to feel like I was holding him back so I agreed." He sighed and when he want on his voice sounded utterly tired. "Miko made it back home. But he died at the med center. You know what his last words were to me?"

Liz said nothing at all.

"Thank you. Why would he thank me?"

She took his hand into hers and gently stroked his knuckles while she searched her mind for the right thing to say. Only it was so much more difficult than she thought it would be. There were no words when you lost a loved one. No words in the universe could make up for such a loss.

It took a very long time for Liz to finally speak up.

"He thanked you for believing in him, Kyp." She said softly. "You let him go on this mission on his own. For the first time he was in charge. No matter the outcome, the fact that you trusted in his abilities – that you trusted in Miko – was enough for him."

"He died, Liz. If I would have went along, maybe –"

"Maybe you'd be dead now, too." She ignored his sharp look. "He would have resented your coddling. You know that. The two of you were one and the same! Would you have wanted your Master to accompany you on the very first mission you were sure you could handle on your own?"

There was no need for him to answer.

"Doubtlessly, Miko was honored by your faith in him. He _thanked you_ for having faith in him, Kyp. There is absolutely no need to second-guess yourself."

Kyp sighed and ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

"He wanted to make you proud, Kyp. And I _know_ you were proud of him. I could see it in your eyes each time the two of you were together. Don't ever let go of the pride you hold for him. It's what made Miko thrive."

Another silence stretched between them but it wasn't as strained as it was before.

"Maybe I'm just not cut out to train Jedi Knights." Kyp remarked after a lengthy pause.

"Don't talk that way." Liz sat up and made him look at her by lifting his chin with her fingers. "Listen to me, babe. You are exactly the kind of Master to train these kids. You're resourceful in all kinds of ways, you're compassionate when you need to be.  
You're strong-willed and even your stubbornness comes in handy sometimes."

He actually cracked a little smile.

"Anyone under your tutelage can be lucky to have you as a Master." She insisted. She sighed and leaned forward, placing a warm kiss on his forehead. "I am truly very sorry about Miko. He was a true friend. And no doubt a great apprentice."

Kyp nodded. "Yeah. He was."

"He wouldn't want you wallowing away like this, though. Stop blaming yourself."

"I can't –"

"_Stop. Blaming. Yourself_." She frowned. "And since when do you even use the words _I _and_ can't_ in one sentence? You never give up. Don't you dare start now."

Kyp pulled her into a warm hug and kissed the top of her head. "Force, Liz…" He whispered a moment later. "I don't know what I'd do without you."

She didn't comment because she knew it wasn't necessary. She simply held him while they cuddled together, staring through the window into the dark night beyond.


	5. Chapter 5

The Morning Court, a circular atrium on the first level of the Jedi temple, was eerily quiet as Master Skywalker stood at the podium, quietly speaking to the assembled crowd seated in rows before him. The Jedi Council and a few selected Knights stood as a group behind him, all of them wearing brilliant white robes for Miko Reglia's funeral.

The body lay on the funeral pyre down below, draped in thin white gauze. Miko could just as well have been sleeping.

Kyp gripped his hands in a solid grasp at his back, his knuckles white as he toned out Master Skywalker's voice. He'd been to too many funerals already and he hated every second of it.

Life was difficult enough as it was but saying good-bye to a dear friend, a family member, in front of so many people – Kyp _hated_ it.

His eyes roamed the crowd. There was a knot in his stomach as he took a closer look at people who had absolutely no clue who Miko was.

Correction.

Who Miko _had been_.

Politicians and delegates, supposedly friends to the Jedi Order paying their respects to a complete stranger just to look good for the general public, for the holocameras.

It was disgusting.

The simmering anger Kyp had felt at the very start of the ceremony as he'd watched them take their seats as if they were at some sort of show exploded into fury within seconds. He ground his teeth and forced himself to take a few deep breaths before he totally lost what little control he had over his emotions. He wanted them gone. He wanted to snap his fingers and make them disappear, poof into thin air and never come back.

The ceremony was for Miko.

Not to make _them_ look like they actually cared.

His line of thought was interrupted by a brush of reassuring thoughts through the Force. If his mood was a deep black pit, the Force now showed him luminescent rainbow colors writhing their way into the darkness of his current state of mind. He turned his head towards the front row, where the younger Jedi and younglings sat along with those affiliated to the Order. Liz sat there, dressed in white like the others. She looked beautiful.

Her smile made him feel a little better.

But not by much.

When Master Skywalker finished with his speech, half of which Kyp hadn't even really heard, Octa Ramis stepped up next. Kyp had suspected that Miko and Octa had been more than just friends but now seeing her fighting tears, her hands trembling, concentrating on using the right words, he knew his suspicions had been correct.

It pained Kyp to know that Miko was missing out on so very much.

As Miko's Master, it was expected of him to step up to the podium and say a few words that depicted Miko's life. It wasn't even marginally possible. It didn't feel like it would be enough. It was no one's business how he felt for Miko anyway. Let the public think what the hell they wanted to think but Kyp would not give them what they expected.  
He never did.

He'd already said his good-bye's. Privately and for only Miko to hear.

A eulogy in front of all these people pretending to care?

Hell kriffing no.

When Octa stepped away from the podium, all eyes turned to Kyp.

He took another deep breath and focused on Liz for a quiet moment. He didn't care that a few people already started to whisper. He needed a moment and so he took it.

Liz gave him a little nod and he knew that whatever happened, she would have his back. It had always been that way and it would always be that way. He could count on her no matter what.

There was absolutely nothing Kyp had to say to the audience of Miko Reglia's funeral. Well, besides the obvious but that would no doubt lead to Master Skywalker kicking him off the Council.

He stepped down and passed the podium. He ignored the quiet whispers as he made his way to the pyre. Miko truly seemed to be sleeping. If only it were true…

"Good bye, my friend." Kyp whispered gently before taking a thick wooden torch and lighting the tip afire by moving it along one of four lanterns posted around the funeral pyre. "See you on the other side."

He lit the pyre and stepped back.

*

Liz held Kyp's hand tightly as they slowly walked the maze of the Celestial Gardens. It was a warm day, the sun shone from high above and there was even the sound of buzzing insects in the air. Too bad that the sun wasn't real and neither were the insects.

Even with this knowledge, it was still peaceful. A few feet away there was a silvery river that ran its course over grey rocks, collecting in a small pool and reflecting the sun's light in rainbow colors.

Liz led Kyp towards the pool of water, keeping her silence. And really, what was there to say? No words could make this day any better. She knew his take on death and it wasn't a topic easily discussed with him. He avoided it all together, which she completely understood. He'd lost more people in his lives than she cared to count.

They sat down on a low row of broad stones next to the pool. Liz kicked off her shoes and wiggled her toes, reveling in the feel of green grass tickling her feet. "I love this place." She said softly, watching a flitterfly soar through her line of sight.

"When I first started training I used to come here a lot."

"I remember." Kyp said quietly. "I also remember you ran off and no one seemed to be able to find you."

"I was here." Liz shrugged. "The garden helps me clear my mind." She took a breath and slipped off the stone, settling on the green grass with a content sigh. Stretching out her legs, Liz tilted her head upward to the sun and closed her eyes. Kyp watched her every move.

His gaze lingered on her smile. The warmth of the sun – or rather the artificial warming unit within the dome surrounding the garden – was enough to make her happy. The little things always made her so happy.

Kyp reached out and touched strands of her soft dark hair. She turned his way and he returned the smile so suddenly, he was surprised at himself. For the past few days, he'd been on edge and irritated; lessons with his students became increasingly difficult due to his mood; Master Skywalker had pulled him aside and set him straight twice already.

All in all, he was a complete mess.

But now, alone with Liz in the Celestial Garden, he was at peace. And he loved every minute of it.

"You know, there's something you keep forgetting." Liz said in a low voice, turning her head to meet his gaze.

"What's that?"

She tilted her head back to the warmth from above. A small dimple showed in her cheek as she smiled to herself. "You always bounce back." She paused for a moment, relaxing as Kyp gently massaged her shoulders. "No matter what life throws at you, you always bounce back." She took a deep breath and sagged back against the stone. "Trust in yourself and you'll be alright."


End file.
